Money, I know I’ve been dismissive of you for most of my life. Even now, I tell people that you aren’t much of a motivating factor in my life. I’ve told myself this, too – so often that I’ve come to believe it.
But now, I’m not so sure it’s the truth. I mean, I’ve bashed you, but longed for things you could help me to get. That doesn’t make a lot of sense. I think I’ve got a lot of ideas and preconceptions about you and what you want to do in my life that just aren’t true. I’ve looked at lacks in my own life, and in the balance of things in the wider world, and just assumed all of this was your fault… but now I see that it’s not you.
You are there for me – for all of us, really. You are energy, lightness, ease, and possibility. You aren’t responsible for the choices I or anyone else makes regarding you – you are just there for us, willing and happy to help us meet our needs and attain what we long for.
I’ve scorned and ridiculed you, allowed just enough (or a bit less than enough) of you into my life to meet my needs, kept you at arm’s length. I haven’t really wanted to learn about who you are and your life story more than interested me.
That’s an unfair, one-sided, and not very nice relationship – and it’s taken me an embarrassingly long time to see it.
Money, I’m sorry. I know that you’ll forgive me and move on, but I feel I need to do more than just say the words and invite you in, assuming you’ll just trust me when I say I’m seeing things in a new way and developing new motives and perceptions; that I’m starting to see that this really is a relationship, and I need to learn to be open, vulnerable, and trusting where you are concerned.
I’m learning, now. I’m not sure I’m ready to say I’m a good partner – but I am getting better. I’m spending time with you every day – have you noticed? I’m inviting you into parts of my life and places in our home I never did before. It feels good to see you in new places!
I’m starting to dream of all the cool things we can do for one another and the world beyond this door. We can create a home that feels just-right. We can help animals, people, and the planet. It’s exciting, all the things we can do together!
I’m finally, at long last, beginning to open up to you, to welcome you with belatedly open arms, to make room in my life, my heart, and my spirit for you to come and go as you wish, to share as much of yourself as you want to with me.
I’m here and I’m (getting) ready.
With much love and excitement,