Ahead, Widowhood Year 2: 12WY6; ROW80 R1; End of Week 2 

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Hey there…

We’ve gotten through Year One.

On January 12, 2018, our family of four became a family of three. The year since has been filled with growth, challenges, tears – and laughter, learning, and love.

None of us is the same as we were, that night last January.

pieces of him
My favorite pieces of Jim….

We’ve added two dogs to our family. We’ve rearranged rooms, replaced furniture, had the roof replaced. We’ve learned to fix things, and do things, and work together in new ways.

Yesterday, we marked the passage of this year, and honored Jim, with pastries at a local bakery. He would have enjoyed it.


There’s a long way left to go. It seems that everything takes longer than expected.

But we’ve come a long way, already, and we’ll get there.

Where were you, a year ago?
How far have you come?

Have you celebrated your accomplishments?

pastry toast


MidWeek 2 Totals

Completed: 45/61; 74%

In Progress: 10/61; 16%

Still Waiting: 6/61; 10%



Completed: 17/20; 85%

In Progress: 2/20; 10%

Still Waiting: 1/20; 5%


  • I complete a 250 meter swim.
  • I resume a Tuesday or Thursday tai chi class.
  • I take phone and chart average steps for Noli’s main walk routes.
  • I read Chapters 11-16 of Intuitive Eating.
  • I develop a method for recording sleep times, as well as a backup method.
  • I continue three-step routine: pajamas; brush teeth; read from Sleep or another small inspirational book (Zen; Be Calm; Be More Sloth); at least 5 times this week.


  • I read Chop Wood, Carry Water, Chapters 6-10 ; pp 105-203.
  • I set a 4 hour Breakout Block in each week’s schedule.
  • I honor my #AllStarTrek time.
  • I play with one or both kids weekly, as desired.
  • I play with the dogs daily.
  • I schedule family play activities such as bowling, swimming, lazer tag, arcade time, as we wish.


  • I explore the Action mandala and essay from Paths to Wholeness.
  • I create a place to sit and begin using my meditation cushions.
  • I touch base with my Slack group six days weekly (not just for accountability, but for community).
  • I interact regularly on #AllStarTrek.
  • I reach out to other online groups I am part of.
  • I touch base I make a monthly “date” to spend time with a friend in real life.
  • I touch base with my kids daily.
  • I spend time just being with the dogs, and the cats as they will have me.



Completed: 3/6; 50%

In Progress: 3/6; 50%

Still Waiting: 0/6; 0%


Home Repairs:

  • I call the plumber, discuss changes (no toilet; add hot water heater leak), and schedule repairs/upgrades.

Home Maintenance:

  • I schedule time to clean light fixtures/shower doors.


  • We complete daily master hometending list items once this week.
  • I encourage the kids to take an active role in assisting with these tasks.
  • I review and complete my Room by Room Rubric.

A Year to Clear What Is Holding You Back:

  • I complete Lessons 14 (where I left off) and 15, and share Lessons 13-15 on the forums.



Completed: 13/18; 72%

In Progress: 3/18; 17%

Still Waiting: 2/18; 11%


  • Clear email inbox from 1,105 – 999 messages.
  • Unsubscribe to what is no longer relevant.
  • Respond/save/file as needed.
  • Organize Employment folders/ files coherently.
  • Create separate Archive Folder for Jim’s stuff.
  • I create a Bog Crossing List for items that suck my energy.


  • Research/organize budget info.
  • Create an envelope for eating out (our biggest spur-of-the moment expense).
  • Conduct my weekly financial meeting at the dining room table.
  • Ask Miah if he’d like to keep track of our receipts and tally them on a weekly basis.
  • Explain the 60% plan to both kids in more detail.


  • Complete Year 6/Round One goalsetting.
  • Complete 59% of my Week 2 Action Plans; by category, and in entirety.
  • Complete Week 2 WAM with ReGi.
  • Check in at Slack 6 days/week; ROW80 2 days/week.
  • Meet with my ROW80 Accountability partner as arranged.

The Stuff of Life:

  • Make call to editor in regards to part time reporter job she offered.
  • List all other income-building efforts in progress – simmer where I want to put my focus.



Completed: 4/5; 80%

In Progress: 1/5; 20%

Still Waiting: 0/5; 0%


  • Add 333 words each my to four fan fiction side stories in progress.
  • Add 1,111 words to Unpromised, my fan fiction novel in progress.
  • Rough revise two chapters of Unpromised.
  • Post one new chapter of Unpromised to ff.net. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13109745/21/Unpromised
  • Reread my Kifo Island WIP, The Last House.



Completed: 6/9; 67%

In Progress: 1/9; 11%

Still Waiting: 2/9; 22%

  • I complete Pixels to Platform Module Four, Video 2 Play Sheets.
  • I draft, revise, format, finish, post, and share a Just Jot It January post for each day this session.
  • I revise, format, finish, post, and share my Try It Tuesday post for this week.
  • I share the post or elements of it to Instagram, Unschooling fb group(s); and Tweet it twice more before the end of the week.
  • I do relevant research, draft, format, finish, and schedule next week’s post.
  • I do research for and draft 1/22 post.
  • I complete initial research on creating a Curriculum Vitae.
  • I research how to get Google Analytics up and running on my website.
  • I network via Albany NNWM, ROW80, #AllStarTrek, Pixels to Platform, DIY-MFA, unschooling, and FB proper; and through my daily life.

at the invertebrate house


Completed: 1/3; 33%

In Progress: 1/3; 33%

Still Waiting: 1/3; 34%

  • I complete DIY-MFA 101 Module Five, Play Sheets 5.1.1-5.1.5.
  • I complete How to Revise Your Novel Lesson 6/22 for pages 13/21 of my fanfiction novel, On Any Tuesday Night.
  • I attend two webinars on public speaking.

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  1. Thank you for sharing throughout this very difficult year. Your planning, tenacity, and grace keep the focus on what is important: honoring Jim in your daily life, continuing to work on connecting with your son and daughter in ways that nurture all of you, and, somehow, pursuing those personal and professional goals that are uniquely your own. May 2019 be very good to you.

    • Thank you, Beth. It’s good to know that it helps. It’s rather a fine line deciding what and how much to share. I’d rather not whine or dwell, but some of this stuff has been very hard to deal with.

      Focusing on connection with Miah and Lise has been my main objective for a decade now – so it’s easier to keep on doing than to stop. I’m so thankful for the bonds between each of them and me, and between them, because those have gotten us through this year without Jim, and helped us learn how to be a team of three full-time (we always have been to an extent, since I was the at-home homeschooling parent, and Jim, as a chef, missed most of the weekend events we attended over the years).

      2019 is going well for us so far. I hope you can say the same!

    • It has been – illuminating. I had almost 21 years with my best friend and Accomplice in Mischief. Some people never meet someone who complements them as much as Jim did me.

      We made three lovely children together, and, though our second son died at 12 days old, there is no one else I can imagine being beside me for those limbo days in the NICU.

      Jim had a saying: “Eat dessert first.” That’s what the kids and I are trying to focus on – finding the joy and going from there.

      I’ve always tended to see the silver linings of life. It’s a handy trait at a time like this, because the difference between pain and suffering is accepting the reality of the pain rather than fighting against it.

      For my 50th birthday in late July, I am getting the word Kaiidth (What is, is) tattooed on my leg in VUlcan script, as a permanent reminder.

      Thank you for your kind words.

  2. What a year it must have been for you three. Though I have to agree with Chris, grief has a way of returning when you least expect it and kick you in the back just when you were started to think k it got better. Take care of yourself and your kids. ❤

  3. I can almost imagine Jim toasting with yummy frosting-covered goodness right along with you. That image of the pastries together…. I saw four when the screen scrolled just right (my connection is a bit jumpy, so that probably caused the illusion).

    Your progress is, as always, incredible.

  4. I can’t believe it’s been a year since your husband has been gone. 😦
    I don’t want to be a downer, but actually the second year after my mom passed away was harder on me than the first. I’ve talked to others who have said the same thing. I suppose it’s because we say, “it’s been a year, time to move on” when in reality, it is just starting to sink in that you really are not going to see that person again in your lifetime. Hopefully, you don’t find that to be true, but I just wanted to warn you about what I – and others – have noticed. Don’t beat yourself up about it, or think there’s something wrong with you. I don’t know, I think it just takes longer than a year, or two, or 19 (as in the case of my sister). Just take each day as it comes, be thankful for what you do have, and keep in your heart forever those loved ones who are gone.
    Best wishes.

    • Thank you. Lila!

      My biggest priority this week is connection with my daughter, so other components of my goals will be taking a backseat.

      Still, I’ve found that the week or so after an adventure like this is ripe for progress!

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