Across the Threshold:  #ROW80 /#12WeekYear EOW2

It’s been a while since I’ve posted an update – about 10 days, as a matter of fact.

A lot has changed. Rather than living with my husband’s terminal cancer diagnosis, I’m now living in the aftermath of his death with our children, ages 13.5 and 16. There’s been  muddling, tears, planning, time with his sisters who came cross-country to spend his last days with us, laughter, moments of pain and grace.

We’ve crossed the threshold of waiting, and are taking this week, the three of us, just to gather ourselves. Next week, we begin finding our way forward along a path that’s still indistinct, but growing clearer as we blaze our own trails.

That’s what the rest of the round will be about, for me…blazing trails, building cairns to mark the new paths, and forging on.

A candid couple moment at the playground, September 2013.
  • Blue with Overstrike:  Goal Completed.
  • Green:  In Progress.
  • Black: Still Waiting.
  • Black with Overstrike: 86ed.

Relationships, Family, and Home:


Complete lists of homeschool activities/ update attendance for November: Due Week 2.

  • Progress: 0%.

Facilitate Miah’s driving practice; four times weekly: Weeks 112.

  • 3/8.
  • Progress: 40%.

Move bedroom furniture to better accommodate nurse visits; deep clean as I go; ask for help from kids as needed: Due Week 1.

Use one-on-one time to touch base with all family members: Weeks 112.

  • Checked in with everyone. Kids seeking bedroom changes and greater cleanliness. Jim wants to be comfortable, and eat or drink things he enjoys.
  • Progress: 100%

Set aside a few minutes five days weekly to arrange facilitation of needs: Weeks 112.

  • Spent time helping all; intensified in Week Two. 7/
  • Progress: 70%.


Focus on at least ten minutes with some combination of family members in common spaces daily: Weeks 112.

  • Week One was a bit shaky, but Jim’s condition worsened over the weekend, and the kids and I spent considerable time together in those spaces.
  • Progress: 90%.

Gather and consider ideas on how to make our home a sweeter place. Weeks 1-12.

  • Gathering, considering, and, as much as possible, enacting (see above).
  • Progress: 100%



Inventory sauces; get count on what/how many labels needed: Due Week 3.

  • Moved sauces off the family room table; considering ways of moving them wholesale.
  • Progress: 40%

Go through checking account and insurance policy info; make list of monthly/quarterly bills and due dates: Due Week 4.

  • Gathered bills, statements, and info; began triaging.
  • Progress: 35%

Assist Jim in paying back sales taxes; find out how to dissolve business at the appropriate time: Due Week 6.

  • This is now my responsibility alone; have info but haven’t read yet.
  • Progress: 15%.

Do (or delegate) our taxes: Due Week 10.

  • I’ve decided to let someone else unravel this complicated year.
  • Progress: 10%.

Create a base family budget – for now, and for the kids and I: Due Week 12.

  • More brainstorming and conversation.
  • Progress: 20%

Focus on learning via the courses I already have in progress: Weeks 1-12.

  • Revision 1/2 for story start 3/11; drafted story start 4/11.
  • Progress: 10%.

Work on beta projects I’ve agreed to as opportunity arises. Weeks 1-12.

  • Progress: 0%.

Keep in touch with other writers –  reading blogs; commenting; participating in sprints and blog hops as I am able: Weeks 112.

  • A little blog reading/commenting/ sprinting. Wrote a blog hop post, but didn’t manage to post it.
  • Week One progress: 40%.


 Make lists of things we could use help with, as we think of them. Weeks 1-12.

  • No official lists yet, but ideas I have been pursuing as offers are made.
  • Week Two progress: 15%

Ask each family member both kids for ideas at least weekly. Weeks 112.

  • Happening organically as we adapt.
  • Progress: 40%

Pair lists with those willing to help at least weekly. Weeks 1-12.

  • Again, it’s an organic process.
  • Progress: 25%

Seek out someone(s) with good organizational skills who can coordinate as/when needed. Weeks 112.

  • Spoke with hospice social worker regarding several areas of concern.
  • Progress: 35%

When someone offers general assistance, be ready with ideas. Weeks 1-12.

  • We’ve come up with standard suggestions, and a few more specific ones, and have been offering them when asked.
  • Progress: 100%

Body, Mind, and Soul:


Watch Star Trek: Enterprise whenever possible; join in Twitter live chat at #AllStarTrek. Due weeks 1-12.

  • Missed Friday, the night Jim died, for obvious reasons.
  • Progress: 100%

Resume taking pictures, beautifying our home, drawing, coloring, singing, and other activities that I enjoy, as opportunities arises. Weeks 1-12.

  • Some of all marked.
  • Progress: 75%

Experiment with Instant Pot weekly. Weeks 1-12.

  • More hard-boiled eggs; butternut squash/sweet potato soup; and steel-cut oats.
  • Progress: 100%.

Keep eyes open for likely recipes. Weeks 1-12.

  • Saved several from my Facebook group; joined another.
  • Progress: 100%

Use Ninja for food prep once weekly. Due Week 3.

  • Made Jim a mango/apple cider smoothie.
  • Progress: 50%

Alternate days of restful focus with more active days. Weeks 1-12.

  • Did well until Jim became bedbound and semi-lucid, and the uncertainty led to many short bursts of cleaning every day.
  • Progress: 55%.

Listen to my body, mind, and soul, and follow their leads to adjust accordingly.  Weeks 1-12.

  • Did better with this one.
  • Progress: 100%


Follow a morning routine when possible. Weeks 1-12.

  • This has fallen by the wayside for the moment.
  • Progress: 40%.

Use quiet moments as they present themselves. Weeks 1-12.

  • Some; not as much as I’d like.
  • Progress: 30%.

Make a practice of being present- right here, right now. Weeks 1-12.

  • Life forced its hand on this one late in Week One.
  • Progress: 90%.

Prioritize time and connection with my beloveds over busy-ness. Weeks 112.

  • I had little choice, here – exhaustion and need prevailed.
  • Progress: 85%

ROW80 –

The Writing Challenge That Knows You Have A Life!

ROW Along, or Cheer Us On!

We’re On Facebook, Too!

I’m closing today with a favorite song from my childhood. I’ve been thinking of it quite a lot lately…


  1. I’ve been sitting with the news of your family’s loss for a few days, my friend. Now I want to share my deep sympathy, but also my admiration of your strength and positivity. You and Jim have made a way for the family to forge on. Take a moment and bless yourself for being who you are, even as you constantly bless him and your kids for their dearness.

    • I understand the sitting with this kind of news. Not at all the type of news I wanted to share, or the reality i wanted to be living – but no one is exempt from death.

      We who loved Jim and are still alive must live, and live well – for ourselves, and to hono r his memory.

      I love the idea of blessing us all. I’m trying to be good to myself. One way is to devote as much time to making our room my room as to the other hometending, and not doing more than I want to on any given day.

      The kids…they gobsmack me. Daily.

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. I know nothing makes it easier, not knowing it’s coming, not words afterward. I am thinking of you and your children and sending much love and peace and comfort.

  3. (((Hugs))) I don’t know what else to say. I’m so sorry this has happened,even if you knew it was coming. My thoughts are with you and the kids while you find your way forward.

  4. ❤ ❤
    There isn't much more that can be said than that. Your heart and body… your soul knows what it needs to get through this into your New Normal. We're with you when you need us.

  5. Oh, Shan, I wish there were words that could take away the pain, the uncertainty, the emptiness. Just know that there are so many people thinking of you and sending you peace and healing. Take time to just receive all those good vibes.

  6. Shan, I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to comprehend the depth of your grief, but please know that across the distance, I am sending thoughts of healing and comfort during this time.

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