He Was Right: Sea Changes (Kifo Island Chronicles Volume 1) for WIPpet Wednesday

Welcome to WIPpet Wednesday, a weekly blog hop which encourages writers to move WIPs (works-in-progress) to publication by posting excerpts related to the date.We’re led by the capable fingers and nimble mind of Emily Witt

Hi there!

Well, here we are. It’s International Women’s Day, and WIPpet Wednesday, in one efficient package. Since I’ve already posted to the Beauty of a Woman Blogfest, with my poems Seeds of Wisdom; Fertile Soil and Nevertheless, We Persist. I’m going to go ahead and get down to the business of this special WIPpet – the last one from Sea Changes, and Kifo Island, at least for a while.

I’ve been reading through the TnT story (it’s more or less in bits and pieces, at the moment) I’ll start sharing from next week. I’m happy to report that revisions, thus far, don’t seem too complex, and there’s a pretty good sass factor on both sides.

But that’s next week. And this week, we’ve kept Ava waiting long enough, and it’s not like she has the time to waste. So let’s jump back into Sea Changes, from my Kifo Island series.

Ava Garcia was a constant revelation during the writing of her story. Her struggle goes beyond the issue of whether people should be allowed to choose the manner of their death. She encapsulates my personal attitudes about how children deserve to be treated. It’s an honor to share her voice with you!

The Premise:

In advocating for a dying girl seeking emancipation from controlling parents, can an overburdened young woman and a lonely young man find a future together?


This passage has been rough-edited (trust me, you don’t want to see the muddled-beyond-hope original version! I’ll be creating a more structured revision plan once the 24 scenes pass through my local crit group (proceeding very slowly, due to Other Things), and I’ve completed Holly Lisle’s How to Revise Your Novel class.

Your input is gratefully accepted, and might go a long way toward making this a better novel!


Ava’s father made a salacious accusation about her and Donovan, and she reacted impulsively. Here, the aftermath…

WIPpet Math:

  • Today is March 8, 2017

  • Three paragraphs, for the month – and because that brings us to the end of the scene, the chapter, and what I’m willing to share of this draft, at least for now.

He Was Right

He was right. Ava blinked back tears. She wanted to be mad at Donovan for being so right, or for still being so nice, even now – but she couldn’t. He was right, and that meant that she was wrong. She needed to make it better – but she didn’t know how to do that. “How could I be so stupid?” She really wanted another hug, but she was sure it would be even stupider to ask for one now.

Donovan smiled a little. “You’re twelve, Ava. Maybe it’s good you don’t think of these things. Maybe it’s not so good. But no one can expect you to be older than you are.” He stopped smiling. “But I don’t know if I can accept your case, now. At least, not if I’m the only one with you – best not to add any fuel to that fire.”

“Oh, Donovan -” Ava felt the tears starting again, and tried to hold them back. “I’ve really done it this time, haven’t I?”

Is Donovan right?

How will Ava’s father react?

Can Ava fix this, or is it already too late?

What happens next?

Well, as I’ve said, next week we move on…but I will be looking for beta readers for this novel by the end of the year, so, if you’d like to be one of them, drop me a line or two in that little box below!

Want more WIPpets? Click the button below, and even add your own date-related excerpt if you’re so inclined!


  1. Oh dear. 😦 Donovan’s caught between a rock and a hard place there (sorry for the cliché but it fits). It’s sad that Ava feels that she should be ‘more grown up’ – there is such honesty between these two.

  2. It’s a hard age to read, as much as a hard age (I imagine) sometimes to write, because when we went through it we had so many other turmoils that we couldn’t focus on exactly "who we were". And even though you have a far more authentic girl to watch these days, she’s one example… and who knows how Ava’s differences would have shown up. But yeah… there’s going to be trouble. (I would definitely beta the final draft too)
    And wow… flashback! I love that song still.

  3. Oh no! I hope they can make it right. What a difficult situation.
    I love this line: "But no one can expect you to be older than you are." That really speaks to how I feel about the way children are often treated as though they ought to be older than they really are.

    • I’ve actually said this to Miah several times, over the years. He can sometimes forget that the 34 months that separate his age and Lise’s means that she can’t always act as maturely as he thinks she should…and he also doesn’t have the same perspective on how he himself acted at her age.
      Revising these scenes has been interesting. When Ava first came to me, Lise was about 9, I think. As I drafted, and simmered, Ava’s age stayed roughly the same, but, of course, Lise kept growing. So now, as I’m moving through the story, Lise is just about the same age as Ava (just past 12.5) and I strongly suspect she’ll be a teenager before or right around the time I finish the pass through my local crit group.
      It’s reassuring to see, in my own daughter, that I mostly managed to capture this very changeable time in a girl’s life.
      And I completely agree. People of any age can only be as grown as they are.

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