“Papi?” Sea Changes (Kifo Island Chronicles Volume 1) for WIPpet Wednesday

Welcome to WIPpet Wednesday, a weekly blog hop which encourages writers to move WIPs (works-in-progress) to publication by posting excerpts related to the date.We’re led by the capable fingers and nimble mind of Emily Witt. 

YAY! I’ve made it to everyone two weeks in a row! Making it a Thursday focus is helping. I love reading the snippets, and it seems a fair trade for wanting people to read mine, so…I’m making it a priority.

But now, it’s getting late on Wednesday, because I’ve been busy with other parts of life, so let’s get right back to Ava Garcia  in Sea Changes

Ava grew on me during the writing of her story. She was a constant revelation. Her struggle is compelling. For me, it goes beyond the issue of whether people should be allowed to choose the manner of their death. She encapsulates my personal attitudes about how children deserve to be treated. It’s an honor to share her voice with you!

The premise:

In advocating for a dying girl seeking emancipation from controlling parents, can an overburdened young woman and a lonely young man find a future together?


This passage has been rough-edited (trust me, you don’t want to see the muddled-beyond-hope original version! My plan is to begin creating a more structured revision plan once the 24 scenes pass through my local crit group (which isn’t happening very quickly, at the moment).

Your input is gratefully accepted, and might go a long way toward making this a better novel!


Ava is dreaming, and possibly drowning.

WIPpet Math:

  • Today is October 12, 2016

  • I‘ve got 2 sentences todaybecause 12 (day) – 10 (month) = 2.


Papi’s shadow took away the light, and she couldn’t see anything but red, and she was little and drowning, running out of air, and she couldn’t see the bubbles anymore, so she couldn’t follow them, and she was going to die!

Strong hands yanked her up – “Papi?”

What will Papi do next?

Has he saved Ava?

Next week, we’ll learn a little more.

Want more WIPpets? Click the button below, and even add your own date-related excerpt if you’re so inclined!





Daddy’s Hands”













  1. This story clutches at my heart.I, like you, always tried to leave my children to make their own decisions, but it’s so hard sometimes to stand by quietly and watch them hurt, especially when I know there is an easier way to get where they’re going. Still true now they’re 21 and 23.

    • I do know that feeling. I try to remind myself that pain can bring strength and knowledge impossible to get in other ways, and I remember a scene in Star Trek Five where Kirk says, "I need my pain."
      Still, it’s not easy when I gestated and nursed the person who’s hurting. Neither of my kids, 12 and 15, are dating yet, but I’m internally bracing for the heartbreaks that are almost certainly lying ahead for both of them.

  2. These two sentences are soul stirring. If she is in the process of dying, she’s maybe seen someone who will help her crossover.Shalom aleichem,Pat

    • Interesting theories, Pat…. now, to see if they come out that way (of course I already know, but I’m not telling.) =)

  3. I like how frantic this description feels, even just in those couple of sentences. It’s got that very dreamlike quality of feeling completely real, no matter how much it shouldn’t make sense.

    • Thanks, Emily!
      I love writing dream sequences and imagery. Oh, and bubbles. I definitely like bubbles! =D

  4. I’m anxious to see what happens next with Ava.
    From what I can tell, you and I have similar attitudes toward respecting children and honoring their autonomy. I do sometimes struggle with being an adult with years of experience and how much to share with my kids to guide decisions they make. But my philosophy has always been that it isn’t my job to do the choosing for them. They are people, not extensions of my own ego.

    • "But my philosophy has always been that it isn’t my job to do the choosing for them. They are people, not extensions of my own ego."
      So much this, Amy!
      My son is just a bit older than yours, at 15, and I’m becoming keenly aware of how near adulthood he is. We were actually talking about this yesterday, when he and I went out to lunch together.
      My approach is to be trustworthy, and not to have an agenda other than safety and happiness. I try to give more information than advice, offering perspectives and data that only come from living and maturing. When I do give advice, it’s because I feel strongly that they may need it –
      But, like he said, "I reserve the right to ignore your advice about half the time" – yes, he’s very 15, but I love that he knows he can say that to me without fearing that I’d get mad at him.
      We talked about how I trust his judgment, but that he’s going to make mistakes – and that some of the best learning can come from them.
      As a mother, I want to protect my children from all harm, but I already know that I can’t always do that. And their lives are theirs to live, even if I don’t agree with every choice they make along the way.
      As for Ava – well, this is only Scene 3 of 24, so there’s plenty more to her story.

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