A to Z – the final blogging frontier…
Captain’s Log: April 25, 2016
These are the fan fiction voyages of the starship Enterprise (NX-01), the first Warp Five capable Terran craft. Humans are now able to explore strange new worlds, seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go….
I don’t own Enterprise or her crew. No monetary profit is gained from these stories. I just want to share my passion for these characters and their world.
Still using the timeline as it exists. This story takes place a few weeks after Season Four, Episode 3, “Home”, some days after Saturday’s story, Takin’ a Swan Dive. Spoilers for that. Approximate time, early to mid March, 2154.
T‘Pol, constrained by the realities of Vulcan culture, contemplates the way she has been changed by Trip’s presence in her life, and the way he’s been harmed by what she can’t change – that she IS Vulcan.
This story is rated PG-13 for sexual suggestiveness. Clicking on the story title will take you to the complete work-in-progress, which is deserving of its Mature rating (for sexual situations, alcohol/drug abuse, and adult language. Read the full version at your own risk!)
Unsent Letter #2
I – I don’t know how to begin this letter. As you know, apologies are a human convention, and not a Vulcan one. Perhaps, if I were human, I would be better able to make an apology that could in some way compensate for – for the harm I’ve caused you. Harm I know I’ve inflicted upon you, but which I don’t fully understand.
Your emotions – they are alien to me.
And they aren’t. Perhaps it’s a gift, and, at the same time, a curse, that I’ve lived among your people, worked alongside you, learned something more of you than what my people normally believe to be true.
Most Vulcans can remain unaware of the depth and complexity of human relationships. I can’t, not anymore.
Although it’s illogical, I feel your pain. In the way you left, and in your silence.
I’ve hurt you, in ways I don’t fully understand, any more than I understand my own motivations in returning to my mother’s house and engaging in sexual relations with you, when I know that your understanding of what makes a marriage differs strongly from the contract I entered into with Koss.
And, whether you can understand it or not, it is a contract, entered into for reasons that are alien to you, but which are integral to Vulcan society.
In my own defense, I can say only that I was required to honor my commitment to my people. However, I needed you, and, in Vulcan culture, the two aren’t mutually exclusive, as they are for you.
I need you, Trip.
It’s not logical.
That makes it no less true.
I need you. My life, without you, is – empty. Hollow. Desolate. Bereft.
These are emotions that have no translation in my language. Vulcans aren’t meant to define and label our emotions; we’re meant to suppress them, when we can’t repress them. We’re meant to separate emotion from thought and action, and behave logically.
I didn’t do this, as regards my feelings for you. I can’t.
I don’t know how. What I – what I feel for you, Trip – I have no words by which to define the emotions, and I won’t use human words I don’t fully comprehend the implications of – but these emotions are more powerful than I am.
Perhaps I should remain here, but – but I know now that I will not.
I need you.
I want you.
There is a human expression that once seemed more illogical and inaccurate than most. I didn’t understand it then – but I believe I do, now.
My heart is broken. You entered my life, Awakened me, made me something other than what I might have been – something that isn’t human, but is also no longer wholly Vulcan.
You’ve made me feel, and now I can’t stop.
But my emotions aren’t the purpose of this missive.
I’m not certain what is.
I don’t know how to apologize to you, Trip. I can’t see anything I can say or do which will offer you any healing whatsoever.
I suspect this letter has been more for me, than for you – and it isn’t serving to clarify or purge my emotional chaos as regards you –
For an added treat, visit other blogs on the #atozchallenge roster. There is a huge diversity to choose from, and I think that’s something T’Pol would find most agreeable, indeed.