Not Grief Proof: April 13, 2016

It’s April 13 again.

Twenty-one years ago today, I was reeling. My fiance, Tim Simmons, had just died as a result of cystic fibrosis. He was thirty-two; I was twenty-five, and I thought my life was effectively over. How could I ever love again?

But that’s what Tim wanted me to do. I knew, because he said it from the first. He made me promise that if someone else came along who wanted to love me, and he was a decent guy, not to push him away.

Tim, I kept the promise, and, over two decades later, you are still a warm sad glow in my soul. I’ll never regret the time we had, and you will always be entwined with what is best in me…like writing, my childrens’ laughter, my ability to give myself fully in love, and to stand for myself when I need to.

Is there someone you grieve for today?

Someone who made you better by sharing a part of their life with you?

Drop me a line – it’s a good day to remember…


  • Write remaining A-Z Boldly Go expansion stories. Moving along here; Trip and T’Pol have lots to say, and they aren’t the shy, retiring type. 12/26;A-J; M, and P drafted, sometimes adapting previously written material.


  • The IDIC Romance: Complete plot/pinch points for 26 stories stories, as needed to complete writing goal above. I’m deciding on a case by case basis as I go. Through T, if I choose to use them; 20/26 complete.

  • Keep eyes open; plan Story A Day May Kifo Island stories, purchase ebook if available before month’s end. Nothing just yet; watching.


  • Complete revisions for “Peach Liqueur Love”. Brainstorming; including possible title change. This goal may change; I seem to have missed the contest deadline it was associated with.

  • The IDIC Romance: Revisions as needed to complete writing goal above. Currently revised through J.

Blogging/Social Media:

  • Answer blog comments and make visits, at least every other day. I think I’m back on track here.

  • ROW80: Keep visits and updates current; draft, revise, and submit Round Two Sponsor Post. Done.

  • Blogging From A-Z:Complete all Minioning duties in a timely manner. Still a bit off pace, but things are settling back to normal now.

  • Maintain email at below 333 messages; making good use of folders. Incredibly, yes!

  • Answer story comments at least twice weekly. None yet this week.


  • Homeschool Administration: Complete all pending paperwork. Discussed my Grand Plan with my Accomplice. Now to enact it…
  • Continue decluttering/beautification projects; in home and/or yard, five days weekly. Continue making improvements to our home and our quality of life. General maintenance; organization; decluttering. 2/5. Mostly basic stuff and unpacking.
  • Go through all online subscriptions; cancel those we no longer need; at least one each week. Discussed options with my Accomplice; he’s willing to help. WAHOO!!!


  • Continue planning/ attending outings (personal and family) as desired. Annalise has a birthday party/sleepover planned for later in the month; summer plans in discussion.

  • NNWM local group: Attend write-ins regularly, and check in on the Facebook group as inspired. submit “Peach Liqueur Love”, and critique as possible for our small crit group. Write in at Professor Java’s. Critiquing is on hold for the moment; I’ll resume once I get my equilibrium post travel- which is getting closer to reality.
  • My beloveds: One on one time with each, doing something of value to us both, each week. Snuggles, conversations, canoodling, videos.


  • Write in Abundance, Intentions, and #onegoodcup journals seven times each week. Meditate seven times weekly. Explore one new meditative practice. Journaling 3/7; meditation: 3/7. I’ve chosen my new practice; more on that next week.

  • Tai chi practice: One class and one at-home practice each week.

  • Swim twice, at least 500 meters (10 complete laps at Y pool).

  • Focus on sprints of activity daily (hometending, dancing, tai chi, walking, whatever), and more strenuous activities I enjoy, like swimming and hiking, twice monthly. Hometending sprints; 1 /2 strenuous.
  • Read: Smart Change and Gift From the Sea. SC: 57%; GFTS: 39% – unchanged.

Leaps of Faith:

  • Fan fiction stuff: Offer 26 stories at 10/26 stories submitted; getting mostly good, and mostly useful, feedback. =D

  • Initial beta reading of Stained by Ashes. Not sure I can get to this during April, which is why it’s here.

  • Play with website building. Brief exploration of Weebly’s site.

Kait Nolan’s  ROW80  –

The Writing Challenge That Knows You Have a Life!

See other participants’ goals updates here!

And because Tim always preferred laughter to tears…the lighter side of proof!



  1. Somehow we’re caught up in the moment, chasing that vision and those goals, this process of sharing our thoughts each week (2x each week), appreciating the challenges and celebrating the progress that we collectively make. I enjoy seeing all the green you post here. Your remembrance of Tim makes me cherish each day with my own sweetie even more. His memory is a part of you and a part of your affirming life and loves today. Thank you for writing about this, a difficult transition time we all (even after many years) can learn from.

    • Thank you, Beth. Tim as the kind of guy who made jokes in the hospital, to put the doctors and nurses at ease. He made me a much better version of myself than I would have been without him, and he loved me for the rest of his life.

      I’ll love him for the rest of mine, and that love will spill over and join the love I have for my Accomplice, our children, and the world in general.

      Next to that, the green doesn’t seem like such a big deal – but, on the other hand, it would have made Tim very happy to see me pursuing these goals. =)

      Boldly Going Through the Alphabet!
      Part-Time Minion for Holton’s Heroes
      shanjeniah’s Lovely Chaos

  2. It’s hard to imagine that kind of grief, having not gone through it.
    On my son’s 6th birthday(September 3), it will be 10 years since my father-in-law died. He actually died before he officially became my father-in-law, but that doesn’t matter. I only knew him for a year, but he accepted me right into the family the first day he met me. Simply because his son cared for me. I still miss him.

    Looks like you keep on making progress no matter what else is going on.

    • I always seem to forget that your son’s birthday is the day after my son’s. I’m having trouble believing that I will be the mom of a 15 year old in only a few months…

      I’m sorry for your loss. Grief is grief. What hurts, does.

      If not for Tim, I couldn’t have the life I live today. If not for Tim, I wouldn’t have known I could survive the death of a child.

      I’ll always miss him, and always try to find that little bit more joy on his behalf.

      I know he’d like that. ❤

      The green is adding up, and I'm shifting a few little things over to blue, so I'm feeling pretty happy with these goals. =)

      Boldly Going Through the Alphabet!
      Part-Time Minion for Holton's Heroes
      shanjeniah’s Lovely Chaos

    • He didn’t live long enough to be my husband, but he was my life, at the time. Losing him was only made tolerable by knowing his exhausting struggle just to breathe had ended.

      And he gave me the gift of selfless love – something I can carry forward and pass along.

      It was hard, but, all these years later, I remember Tim with a smile. He’d like that.

      Boldly Going Through the Alphabet!
      Part-Time Minion for Holton’s Heroes
      shanjeniah’s Lovely Chaos

  3. Through the years we’ve spoken of our loves, losses and joys… They are all amazing for the experiences we had, knowing the people we were blessed to be with, I think Tim would be delighted to know you found love and life in the future. Nah… I know he would.

    • He was quite a man. My life is joyful and happy today, in large part because of the gifts he gave me. I will always remember, and hold him close to my soul.

      Thank you for your kind words.

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