Today’s the Day…: July 13, 2015

ROWing into the emotional rapids…

Round Three is all about reflection, for me: where I am, who I am,

where I’d like to be, and who I’d like to be when I get there…

As the title of this post says, today is the day…the day our second child would begin his last year as a pre-teen. The day he’d be ready to sit up front, in the passenger seat of my aged Subaru Outback, and maybe start asking questions about how to drive, the way his older brother did, a couple of years back. The day we’d do the things he wanted to do, all day long if that’s how he wanted it, the way we did for his younger sister’s birthday, just last Wednesday…

It didn’t turn out that way. Instead, we received his death certificate in the mail the day before his birth certificate arrived. That’s a very different kind of reality…and, needless to say, going from the joys of last week to the memories of today isn’t an easy transition…

I could pretend I’ve wholly made peace with that, but I’d be lying. Instead, I’m going to take Teddy Roosevelt’s advice, and do what I can, where I am, with what I have.

Two amazing living children. And one who died, but gave another child a profound gift of life. That little girl, whoever she is, is a teenager now, and every time her heart beats, my child’s heart valves, strong and healthy, open and close in her heart, moving her blood, fueling her life…that’s profound, to me.

That’s what I’m going to hold onto, as I share this slightly-late-but-for-good-reasons update.

But before you read on, please hug someone you love. For me. For Elijah. And for you! ❤

Color-coding key:

  • Goal attained = blue with overstrike.

  • Goal in progress = green.

  • Goal-in-waiting = red.

Writing:

Editing:

  • Slow Jazz Awakening”: Highlight detailed notes for plot, dialogue, setting, character, devices, themes, general impressions, and things for later stories in this or other arcs. Tertiary focus for this round; good for the campground or breaks from more intense projects.

Social Media:

  • ROW80: Submit sponsor post; keep visits up-to-date. I’ve got a great idea for my sponsor post, drafting complete. I’m running a bit late, but will have it to Kait before midnight. Visits current.
  • Blog Maintenance: Keep regular posting schedule, comments, and visits. Continue on-time posting; up the ante a bit on commenting and visiting. A secondary goal for July. Was doing well, until Sunday, when I fell down a bit…hope to be caught up by Wednesday’s posts.
  • Share posts – mine, and others’: Share generously and variously as inspired! Get out of my comfort zone a bit with this one, and explore some new ideas… Secondary goal for July. I shared some; there’ll be more when I’m a bit more balanced with drafting and posting.
  • Go on at least one social media adventure each week. I’ve been treating this like a chore – time to have fun with it! 2/1 for the week; I had a brief Twitter interlude; to get my feet wet…

Hometending:

  • Continue decluttering/beautification projects; in home and/or yard, five days weekly. I’ve got a flow now; ride the waves, and continue making improvements to our home and our quality of life. 6/5; Hometending; weeding; planted beans and carrots.
  • Create General Categories List of Things to Attend to Before We Move to Oregon; add specific items as/if they occur to me. Tertiary brainstorming list, for this round.
  • Homeschool Administration: Submit Annalise’s test results to school district when received; rough draft IHIPs for 2015-2016 (research requirements for Grade 9), create Jeremiah’s Peer Review Panel Form. These are good ‘productive fillers’; secondary goal for July. 
Beautiful boy -gone, but never, ever forgotten, ❤

Lifetending:

  • NNWM local group: Attend write-ins regularly, and check in on the Facebook and Twitter groups as inspired. Complete one critique. This is a great group; time to give back! =) Two critique projects already queued and waiting…
  • Complete the two beta reads I’ve had waaay too long. Tertiary goal for July.
  • Meditation: Practice four times a week. Experiment with two new techniques. Increasing the frequency and variety will provide me with more options, and help create a habit.2/4 for this week. Bought a mandala meditation kit at a thrift store…I’ve started playing with it a bit: 1/ 2 new techniques.
  • Starfleet: Fill out application and check on summer USS Albany group meeting schedule. A tertiary filler project.
  • My beloveds: One on one time with each, doing something of value to us both, several times each week. Birthdaying and walks with my girl; shopping and dinner with both kids; chats with everyone; couples’ time with my Accomplice.

Selftending:

  • Make time for physical activity every day; use phone app to track three time a week. 7/7 days, 5/3 with phone; adding goals. Lots of walking on Wednesday! Mellower Thursday; some hometending.
  • Practice: Attend t’ai chi regularly; begin consistent at-home practice. Aim to add second class weekly. At home practice will provide even more goodness, between, and count as meditation, besides. Due to travel, car sharing, and nocturnal tendencies; I haven’t been in three weeks.

These goals are a part of Kait Nolan’s  ROW80 Writing Challenge

It’s also a blog hop – Find more ROWers right here!

Let this be your portal!

 

People for me to celebrate – and hug – today!

6 comments

  1. Oh my dear. A virtual hug for you and your loves. Now I understand your comment on my post. You are strong, just like Erin said–and soft, it makes you you.

    And, of course, your goals are awe inspiring. My favorite is spending one on one time with your beloveds.

    • When Elijah died, we had a 22 month old son who was still very much alive, and, although he didn’t have a lot of language at his disposal yet, he was clearly grieving. We knew we needed to give him as normal a life as we could, without hiding from our reality.

      On Elijah’s first birthday, we had a 34 month old son, and a 5 day old daughter with a big brother she never got to meet, and whom she was older than before she learned of his existence.

      It’s a bit – convoluted, this family history – and yet, these are two of the most joyful kids I’ve ever met.

      They don’t dwell on it, and neither does my Accomplice, and that helps me…although I do tend to be a little tearier this time of the year. and I’m not as focused…

      The one on one time is a big part of our unschooling life – and with Annalise now 11, and Jeremiah weeks from 14, it’s more precious, because they won’t need me in the same way much longer, and the time will come when they aren’t so accessible…I want to fill us all up, before then…

      As for my Accomplice, I don’t want to become one of those couples who just stare at each other after the kids have grown, wondering who this stranger is….he’s my bestest friend, my lover…my Accomplice, and he deserves some of me, too (even if he’s just never gonna get it about the Vulcans, and I’m never gonna get it about the westerns).

      I’m behind with more of my goals than I’d like to be right now – but life has needed me in other ways. I’ll be able to find more of a rhythm after tomorrow, because the rest of the week is as-yet unscheduled and wide-open.

      I think this might be the blog comment equivalent of talking your ear off!

  2. Oh, I almost forgot…that quote from Roosevelt was just the thing I needed to read today. I will put it somewhere in my office so I won’t forget. I get so frustrated with my health and the limitations it puts on my productivity. I’m trying not to be, but sometimes it’s tough. So thank you for sharing that.

    • I first found it in my #onegoodcup journal, which has a yoga theme.

      Since I can’t wave a magic wand and take away all your health concerns (dang it!), I’m thrilled that this at least can give you a tool you can use. ❤

    • I’m not sure it’s so much a matter of strength and bravery as that I’m alive, and so are my Accomplice and two other children…there is so much joy in my life, and the sorrow – well, that gives me a deeper appreciation for all the good…and there’s lots!

      Nothing can ever undo what happened to Elijah – but we are a stronger family because he was here. And he gave a gift to another family that is beyond measure…

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