Welcome to My Sunday Post for July 13, 2014

 

Have you ever had the best of intentions, but found yourself spread just a bit too thin to manage everything you’d hoped to do?

Yes, that’s me, over the last two weeks. I meant to do a Sunday Post, both weeks, but…

Well, I was writing, and reading, and celebrating, and, today, I’m mourning when I might have been celebrating. It’s the eleventh birthday of our second child, Elijah…and we are now twelve days from the eleventh anniversary of his death.

What makes it even stranger is that Tuesday was our daughter’s tenth birthday, filled with all the goodness a birthday should have.

For me, July is just like that. Four days after that anniversary, I will have a birthday, too. The entire month is something like surfing, trying to balance on the surging and ebbing waves of emotion.

I am a person who prefers an optimistic outlook. I choose to be grateful for the twelve days we had with our beautiful little boy, and the profound affect he’s had on the course of our life as a family. I choose to allow the grief to wash through me, but not to wallow in it. Death is an inevitable companion to life, like the shadows are to the sunlight.

Elijah James July 13-25, 2003.

 

That being said, here’s what’s up in my little corner of the blogosphere

Recently at shanjeniah:

 

Coffee and Conversation:

  • And Then She Was Ten… A celebration of a decade’s worth of my daughter, and some musings on the experiences of the day.

 

WIPpet Wednesday:

 

SoCS (Stream of Consciousness Saturday):

  • Are We Getting Away From Getting Away?, in which I explore whether we will be taking a planned camping trip, or bowing out in favor of the comforts of the little cocoon called ‘home’.
  • Body Language, a Star Trek fan fiction excerpt, written stream-of-consciousness style, with the theme “body”.

 

ROW80 Updates:

 

I can’t imagine life without her in it!

 

What’s Next:

 

I’ve completed the rough draft of my first July CampNaNoWriMo WIP, The Stars Are Fire. This week, I’ll be continuing with my second WIP, Perchance to Dream, a Star Trek: TOS/ Enterprise fanfiction novel, and the other half of this duology.

 

In the Wilds of Internet-Land:

Life Stuff:

  • It was a busy “weekend” – ours is Monday and Tuesday – since I squeezed my workout in a day early, so that I could take my daughter out for a Girl’s Day to celebrate her tenth birthday. We took in a movie, did a little shopping, and went out to dinner. =)
  • I completed July’s CampNaNo challenge.
  • I pinned to my Pinterest boards for the first time in months!

 

Want to join the Sunday Post fun?

 

4 comments

  1. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for you to have such a rollercoaster of a month of July, and the pain that must come with losing a baby. I’m really amazed with the positive attitude you have about it, it’s really inspiring. It would be so easy ( and understandable) to wallow in pain so that’s really amazing that you can take such a positive outlook on this month.
    A happy birthday for your little girl though, sounds like you had a lovely day together.

    That Eric Clapton song is beautiful, it’s a shame that the back story is so devastatingly sad – brings a tear to my eye every time I listen to it actually.

    And wearing a tiara all day just because you can is one of the great things that make a childhood magical!

    • I’ve gotten better at it with the passing of years. Our oldest was only 22 months old, and he needed and deserved as normal a life as we could give him. I think it was that, as much as or more than anything.

      My husband and I did not and still don’t grieve in the same way. Giving each other the space to deal with it in our own ways -and extending that to Elijah’s siblings, who also grieve (Miah from the outset; Lise from the time she was old enough to understand, somewhere between ages 2 and 3.)

      I’m not sure I see it as inspiring, though. I was still alive, and had a child, and I decided to live. I was a wreck for a while. Being shattered like that, I’m not who I was before. That’s part of the gift, that some things just don’t matter to me anymore, and other things are far too precious to take for granted.

      Lise and I had so much fun. She had a cold a couple of days later; I’m glad it waited so that she could enjoy the day.

      That song has been making me cry since it came out. The story behind it made me cry when it happened, too. I never can hear it, and not think of Elijah.

      I never had a tiara as a little girl (I’m not really the tiara type myself, though, so it’s OK). But seeing Annalise wear hers with such joy feels a little like the girl in me had the chance, too!

  2. I can not imagine the pain that must come with losing a child. I’m glad you have learned to surf, and have joy in your life. ~hugs~

    I love “Ten in a Tiara!” My 6yo wore a tiara most of the day today, just because she could. We didn’t even go anywhere, we were just at home. She also had blue eyeshadow on her eyes and red eyeshadow UNDER her eyes lol!

    My ringtone is Amy Farrah Fowler saying “Ooooh! It’s a tiara!” I should get one someday…

    • It’s been almost eleven years – and I honestly still haven’t wrapped my heart, soul, and mind around it. When Elijah was 6 days old, he had a massive, 2-3 minute long grand mal seizure.

      I’ve always felt like whatever made him a unique person left him then. In essence, for the second half of his life, he was the newborn shell- he felt like a baby, smelled like a baby – but *he* wasn’t there anymore.

      Knowing that doesn’t always make it easier to bear the fact that he died, but – well, he died. And we had a toddler, not yet 2, at home. That was a saving grace- we had to find some normalcy for Jeremiah’s sake.

      Lise found the tiara in Target’s bargain bin. She also found a Monster High makeup chest (she loves makeup, too!).

      I love the mental image of your little girl in her tiara and eyeshadow, hanging out at home because she could!

      Amy Farrah Fowler’s reaction to the tiara was priceless! I love that that’s your ringtone – and second the thought that you should have one of your very own! =)

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